Lee Greenwood

George Bush just appointed Lee Greenwood, the guy behind “God Bless the U.S.A.” to the National Council On The Arts, where he’ll help dole out arts grants for the next four years (so, all of Obama’s first term). He can’t be removed.

If you have bad memories of “God Bless the U.S.A.'”s sappy, “I’m proud to be an American” chorus, especially the halting “and I’ll stand….up…..next to you!” line, then you have no idea how bad it can be. I know that most of you did not grow up in a military household like I did. My dad was deployed during the first Gulf War, for nearly a year. During that time my mom went into military wife overload: she redecorated our house in all yellow (as in “Tie A Yellow Ribbon”), and tied yellow ribbons around every tree on our property, oak, pecan or not. I took piano lessons at the time, and my mom and piano teacher conspired to have me memorize “God Bless the U.S.A.” which I had to play, on command, like four times a day. Over the holidays my mom and I used lights and clothespins to make a giant outline of the United States on our front lawn, with (yes!) “God Bless The U.S.A.” written across the middle on plastic cups that had been painted with each letter and lit with Christmas lights from within.

I also had to wear a lot of yellow. The dog had a yellow bow around his neck. This is not a joke. You know what pale yellow does to an Asian girl’s complexion? Not much, because I was pretty tan back then, but still.

I rebelled two years later by becoming a card-carrying member of the socialist party. Well, the young socialists. Two years later I revolted by becoming an objectivist. The only thing more embarrassing than having to wear head-to-toe yellow is believing the Fountainhead is so true and so right.